Too much trammels of convention when people die. [From Miyuku]

My loving mother-in-law died of cancer in late May when I was away on my business trip. It was a shame I couldn’t be here to see her off when she passed away, but I did have quality time with her when she was quite conscious about everything.

When you read the title, “Too much trammels of convention,” you may well relate yourself to our religious rituals. Yes, there were countless rituals I didn’t know but had to follow at the funeral. However, it was agreeable, because they all seemed so solemn and beautiful to see someone off to another stage.

However what made me puzzled and uncomfortable was to receive monetary gifts and give return gifts. Say if you’re a very close friend of a family, you give about 10,000 yen (equivalent to AU$128) at the funeral. To start with, this amount is not that small, anyway, and after about 50 days, there will be a religious event called “50 days anniversary,” in Shintoism. By then, you’ll need to prepare the gift which value is half as much as the money given. In this case, you have to find something around 5.000 yen for the return gift. I’m not trying to belittle the money giver, but it was a lot of work.

If you think of buying something worth about 5,000 yen for yourself, it may not be that difficult, but when there are more than 100 people you have to decide what is the proper thing to give, and it becomes a huge amount of work.

This is a big business for a department store here. A customer service at a department store came to explain how the system worked. They have all different kinds of goods that cover all ranges from small amount to a large amount of money given. They will prepare thank you cards and make an address list for you. They will give you advice what to write on the card and how the gift should be wrapped in a proper way. I was so amazed there were so many things to follow, even after the funeral.
 
If I had time to choose something they would like, it would be nice and I would be able to show appreciation, but what we did was to choose from the special catalogue for the occasion, and just picked out the things that matched the price.

We just finished this huge task, and now think back, what is the point of doing this? Can we just give half the money and ask for no return gift?  Money giving was to support the family to hold the nice funeral for the dead.  Not to support the family’s everyday living nor the sales of a department store.

I know there are wonderful traditions we want to follow for years to come, but I’m not sure if this is one of them.
 

Posted by Miyuku

In my previous posting I talked a little about this place, so let me now tell you about the book called, "Tono Monogatari," which translates as, "The Legends of Tono." I had the privilege to meet and receive a lecture on the book by its English translator, Dr. Donald Morse. I had translated a Japanese cultural book before, so I shared the same difficulties in translating different languages.

The book, however, is very well translated in its nuances, plus has a lot of explanations. It is a collection of being-told stories, which are rather legends. There exist many goblins, monsters and imaginary creatures in the story. It is like a Japanese version of Grimm’s Fairy Tales. The author, Kunio Yanagita, collected the stories he heard from Kizen Sasaki, who lived in Tono at the time. The village was in the mountainous area and life there wasn’t as easy as back in the old days, so the stories vividly portray this harsh life.

One of the 119 stories goes like this:
A long time ago, there was a goddess who took her three daughters to a certain area in the evening and told them she would give the best mountain to the one who had the finest dream that night.
During the night, the youngest sister saw the beautiful lotus flower float down from heaven and rest on her eldest sister’s chest. She secretly took the flower and put it in her own chest and went back to sleep. So, the youngest sister got the best mountain, called Hayachine, and her older sisters got the mountains called Rokkoushi and Ishigami. These young goddesses lived on their own mountains and ruled over them. Women in Tono are told not to climb the mountains for they make the goddesses jealous.

The story ends there, and there is no moral teaching, or capper in it. I felt uneasy with the story at first because the cunning, youngest daughter gets the best mountain. But it’s up to the listeners how they understand or enjoy the story. The story only tells the facts.

I truly enjoyed my two-day trip to Tono, and I have a feeling I will come back to this unique place before too long. Till then, I will leave my heart in Tono. Anyone wish to join me?

If you're interested you can order and English version of the book at Amazon.com.  (Sorry, but I couldn't find one at Amazon.au)  Please read it as the reviews there are worth reading.
 

Tono- the home of the Legends of Tono  (Part one)

From Miyuku

I’m now in Tono in Iwate prefecture which is about 500 km north-east of Tokyo. This place is well known for the charm of its legends that have been story-told in the area.

I knew about the place and had read or heard of some of the stories before, but I had never been here.  It has always been on my list of places to visit.  

Here I am writing this in a nice little hotel called Hotel Aeria, which is only a five minute walk from the very small “Tono” station.

I took a Shinkansen from Tokyo station to Shinhanamaki. It took about two and a half hours, and then I got on a local train which gave us a nice view of rice fields and the country sides.  

Not many foreigners know about this place yet, but if I were a traveler, I’d prefer places like this one where I can feel and smell the life of the local people. The Tono area itself is not that small, but the town of Tono is pretty compact in its size and everyone knows everyone else here. I was with a lady from the chamber of commerce yesterday, and she would greet people walking on the streets of Tono so many times. People seemed so friendly here.

I got up at 4 this morning, took a shower, and went for a morning walk, photographing the village. There was a morning market which sells fresh vegetables and flowers near the station. I wished I could bring back some!  Actually I could, I guess, if I didn’t have any other heavy things to carry.  

On the way back to my hotel, there was a Tofu shop.  A very friendly looking old man was sitting in front of the shop, at 5 a.m. I smiled and asked for a soy milk. It was a very tasty, very “soy” milk. What I mean is, it was just a pure soy milk made from good kinds of soybeans and pure water. He asked me where I was from, so I said I was from Tokyo. Then he asked me which part of Tokyo I was from, so I said I was from Nakano. Then he started to tell me about his family and relatives living in Tokyo. During our brief visit, he had already greeted two people, and it was even before 6 a.m.  ha-ha!  Then he saw someone he had knew for a long time, so he started talking to him. I quietly left with a little good-bye.  

This kind of little visits makes my trip even more colorful, and I just fell in love with this place!  
 

After our wonderful visit to the Cotswold’s, we went to the Chelsea Flower Show in London. The venue was crowded with so many people. As our group was mostly seniors, I wished there had been more seats available here and there at the venue, even though there was a huge seating area where you could sit and enjoy the live music.

We visited an elementary school in Croydon and we had a little cultural exchange with little students there. There was a Japanese Calligraphy teacher in our group and she demonstrated writing some students’ names in Kanji characters. We taught them how to count up to 10. It was a lot of fun. Then after our visit to school, we had a home visit with a Mr. and Mrs. Goodwin. They were another wonderful couple you’d like to meet. I met them last year when I was on my first narrow-boating trip. We had only an hour to visit then, but we kept in touch, and later I explained the goals and aims of the tour I was planning. They were kind enough to invite us into their home. We even got together with their neighbors and friends. It was another wonderful experience in getting to know many new people. There are some people you instantly make friends with and stay friends forever, while there are people you see every day but never exchange words. So it was certainly a special reunion for me.

When you’re on a trip, you get to visit wonderful places, but you rarely get to know local people unless you live there.  So it was such a wonderful occasion for all of us.

My last event in England was to see the musical, “Jersey Boys,” in London. It was one of the best musicals I’ve ever seen! It was another wonderful meeting. I do not mind going back to see the musical many more times!

Coming back from an exciting event, the news that awaited me was the death of my mother-in-law. I was devastated with sorrow. I wasn’t sure if I could make it to see her after this 12 days trip, so I cherished every moment with her before I left. But still, I felt guilty for not being able to be with her at the last moment.

The last 2 weeks of my life was something very special. There are things I cannot just put into words. But I certainly learned and experienced a great deal.

Life is a series of meetings and partings—some good and some sad but I guess that’s what life is.
 

From  Miyuku

I was away from Tokyo for 12 days with a group of 10 and I surely enjoyed their company. I think the essence of a good trip is to have nice weather and nice company. Fortunately, I was blessed with both.   

Some British say there are 4 seasons in a day in England, and some even say there is no climate, just weather, in England.  

It was very difficult to predict the weather. Before I left, I checked the weather on the Internet, and I found umbrella marks almost every day for the entire period of my visit.  But in fact it was the opposite. We had wonderful weather all the way through.   

I told you that I arranged study tours for elderly people, and this was actually the second one I really got involved in.

I wanted this trip to be a relaxing and slow-paced trip so that participants could really enjoy experiencing the English life style. I first decided to find a nice, cozy B&B where people can sit outside and enjoy chatting even when there is nothing special planned for the day.

Thanks to the Internet, I was able to find this superb B &B in Mickleton, near Chipping Campden. I soon got in touch with the host there. The B&B was run by a nice friendly couple and it is one of the most highly rated B&Bs around the village.

We all enjoyed gracefully prepared English breakfast with a good cup of tea. Michael, the host was most supportive and helpful in giving us information we needed. Alison, the hostess was the most charming lady, full of infectious hospitality. Their presence made our stay even more colorful.    

I truly enjoyed walking the footpath. The scenery and the company were perfect. We walked to the Hidecote Manor Garden and the Kifts Gate Court garden. They are renowned English style gardens. We were a little early for roses, but we enjoyed all different kinds of beautiful flowers!

We also enjoyed narrow-boating. It was a lot of fun experiencing opening the locks on a canal and operating the boat. It isn’t that hard at all. If you feel like just getting on a boat and relaxing, the owner of the boat will do the operating for you. The couple operating this narrow-boat was just as nice as they can be. They’ve just built a new narrow-boat themselves, and have their license. What makes it so special is that the boat is made for tourists like us to enjoy the unhurried relaxing time, not just for the owner’s living space. Living on a narrow-boat didn’t seem comfortable or convenient, for the space on a boat is small and it takes hours to get to the next stop when it takes only 15 to 20 minutes by a car. But there are a lot of people who choose to live on the water, spending the good life. Maybe it’s a good idea to check it out. It will certainly give you time to think about how you want to spend the rest of your life. A life of richness doesn’t always mean to have an abundance of information or material things.

From Miyuku

When Japanese people say, “Let’s drink some tea,” it usually means to take a break and have something to drink. But it originally meant to have some green tea.

Green tea was introduced to Japan from China as a medicine in the 9th century by a Buddhist monk. It was drunk only among Buddhist monks in the beginning, and then it was taken up by the samurai warriors. It gradually spread among common people and now it has become the most popular drink for Japanese.

Most of the green tea has less caffeine than coffee does. But there are hundreds of different kinds of green tea differentiated by the place where it was cultivated, how it was processed and when the leaves were picked.

There is a kind of tea which is called, “powdered green tea.” It is a particular kind used for Chanoyu, the tea ceremony. This is a ritual tea ceremony that was perfected by the tea master named Senno Rikyu.  It takes a lifetime of practice to learn “Chanoyu,” for there are just so many rules and things to learn. I have participated in some tea ceremonies before and it was a tense moment when I received a bowl of tea in a solemn atmosphere. I didn’t know much about tea ceremony, and I just followed and tried to mimic the previous guest’s procedures.

But now I know a little better, and I can appreciate the way of the host preparing the gathering of tea, and how I need to calm myself to fully enjoy the whole session. However, sitting on your knees while the ceremony is going on is a tough experience!

The more I learn about tea ceremony, the more I find things I need to learn. No wonder it takes a lifetime to practice tea ceremony.

It is not all about drinking tea or eating sweets in a special room. It is the practice of a way of life that matters in Chanoyu. I’d like to share these very insightful rules that may tell you the philosophy behind practicing it.

The student asked Senno Rikyu to summarize the most important things to remember when practicing tea, hoping he would learn something he had not yet been taught.  Rikyu responded:

1.    You must make a delicious bowl of tea
2.    Lay the charcoal so the water boils
3.    Arrange the flowers as they are in the field
4.    In the summer, suggest coolness; in the winter suggest warmness
5.    Do everything ahead of time
6.    Prepare for rain
7.    Give those with whom you find yourself every consideration

The student was rather disappointed, and said he already knew all that. Then Rikyu said,
“If you could do those simple things perfectly, I would be your student.”

------- This conversation between the two, teaches us that what would appear to be the simplest things are the most important and difficult things to practice in our daily lives.
 

Long time no see…    from Miyuku

I’m sorry for my long absence.

It has been an unusually cold spring this year. We had some snow in the middle of April, which was the latest snow ever recorded in Tokyo.

Many people couldn’t catch up with the temperature changes and it upset their health.  I was one of them. I suffered a bad headache for over 3 weeks and ended up getting an MRI brain scan. Luckily it was nothing serious; the doctor told me it was probably a tension headache that came from the neck. My neck was as hard as a rock!  

I had been always healthy and never worried about my health, but it was a good opportunity to start taking care of myself.

Anyway, with the help of medication and a lot of resting, now I’m back to my normal life.

Only after a few days of my recovery, I had to go to Osaka on my business trip and decided to get off at Kyoto for a short visit on the way back to Tokyo. Many temples and shrines in Kyoto close around 4:30 pm, and I got there a little before 4, so I decided to visit Toji Temple, which is only a 15- minute walk from JR Kyoto station.  This temple is famous for its five-story pagoda which is 57m tall, making it the tallest wooden tower in Japan. The pagoda looked even more magnificent with sakura, the cherry blossoms.

If you ever visit Japan, I’d suggest you come in late March to early April so that you can enjoy the most beautiful scenery, with light pink colored sakura everywhere in Japan. 

By Miyuku

What kind of image do you have for Japanese women?  Quiet? Obedient? Neither? 

Some people still keep the image of women in kimono. Yes, it is true that when wearing kimono, you have to be more careful with so many things. For instance, you cannot move around freely with so many layers of kimono, otherwise it will loosen. Also, many kimono materials are silk or refined cotton, and you cannot just wash it in a washing machine. Naturally you have to act gracefully in order not to dirty the kimono.

So my guess is when Japanese women started wearing western clothes, they desired to be more active in so many ways.  

My grandmothers on both sides were very graceful and I still remember them in kimono in their daily lives. My mother married an oldest son in a family, so she lived with her parents’ in-laws. It’s changing, but many families still follow these traditions of living with in-laws. Mother-in-law/daughter-in-law issues are always talked about. You cannot really stereotype people, and I believe this is nothing unusual about Japanese. 

By the way, I’m perfectly happy with my mother-in-law, and actually I respect her tremendously. She grew up in a venerable family where they believed that the women’s role was to raise children and take care of the household matters, and after getting out of school, she didn’t get a job and stayed at home to prepare to be a good wife and mother. She told me she got bored with her mundane life and got married. She calls it a “legal runaway.” She is such a curious and intelligent lady, I feel it’s a shame that she didn’t get a chance to challenge things she may have wanted to do. 

Anyway, with her background, she wanted me to pursue my goals and keep my careers as long as possible, for she couldn’t do it herself in those days, and she has been so supportive in raising my daughter and understanding my job.

 She is in her early 80s, but she is now fighting pancreatic cancer. She doesn’t wear kimono, but she is always graceful.

 

Culinary Delights             From Miyuku

When visiting different countries, one of the things that I have some difficulties with is to order exactly what I want to eat, at the local restaurants.

Language barriers get in the way, and sometimes I end up ordering something I wasn’t expecting. If they speak English, I think I can get around it by asking questions to a friendly waiter or waitress. But if it is a totally unfamiliar language, I sometimes just have to guess. Then I wish restaurants had menus that have pictures. In Japan you will see many window displays of the dishes on the menu which have the dish samples exactly how they are served, so that you can have pretty good idea.

Of course at high-end restaurants, they never have menus with colorful pictures or window displays. They tend to be more dedicated to those who understand the “language.”  Ha-ha!

Tokyo has everything. If you want to eat good Indian food, there are many Indian restaurants run by native Indian people.  If you’re in the mood for Italian food, you can find anything from real Italian restaurants to more like the “Japanese Italian” ones.

Picture on the left is a sample set dish of “Tonkatsu,” a breaded pork cutlet.

If you’re hungry for some meat, try “Tonkatsu.” Many restaurants serve them and there are even specialty restaurants for Tonkatsu. I suggest you go to those that only serve Tonkatsu-related dishes. You can find those good restaurants specializing in fried dishes even in the local areas and smaller cities.  

Some westerners get tired of eating Japanese food after a while, and then I can take them to western-style restaurants. But Tonkatsu restaurants usually receive favorable receptions from the westerners. The only thing I do not like about eating Tonkatsu is they are high calorie dishes. Yes of course! They are fried and delicious! Many delicious foods have high calories.
If you’re on a diet, go to one of those family-style restaurants like Denny’s, Jonathan’s, Royal Host and so on. They have a wide variety of foods available, and they even have calories written down, so it helps me to remember to order something healthier than those oily, delicious dishes.  

 

From Miyuku.

I enjoy antique markets on the third Sunday morning of the month, in the suburbs of Tokyo.

There are probably more than 50 antique stallers dealing with old potteries, kimono or other things that may seem to be junk for some people, but for others they are valuables.  

The market I went to has a farmer’s market on the other side of the road, and I of course bought a lot of fresh vegetables!  

If you want to have your new kimono make, you may well spend more than 3,000 AUD for only the kimono. Then you need other kimono accessories which are as expensive as the kimono to go with it. But here, you can find recycled or old beautifully designed kimono from as low as 10 AUD!  Some of them are very tasteful. You can buy brocaded obi there and make it into a table liner. If you’re an antique fan, this is the place you should plan to visit! There are many different antique markets held around the Tokyo area as well.  

Many stallers enjoy talking with the visitors.  If you cannot speak Japanese, it may be difficult to communicate, so let me know, I may be able to join you when you plan to go!

The picture below is an old set of lacquer ware. Do you see the set is usually five, not six??

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is based on the idea that the odd numbers are auspicious so usually a set comes with five pieces of bowls or plates.

Many of these antique markets are held at shrines. So you can enjoy both visiting shrines and the market at the same time!   

Jan. 22  by Miyuku